Joy is not dependent on circumstances. This I know. However, let's be honest--there are times in our lives that are just better or worse than others. Some seasons are low and some are high. My Joy--and more importantly, my Jesus--is present through each season. But when I come through a season in the valley into a season on a mountian top, I am without a doubt going to rejoice in thankfulness and LIVE IT UP.
I am so blessed. SO BLESSED. Sometimes, honestly, I get annoyed by that phrase. It's a favorite phrase of the Christian community. If a Christian won they lottery, they wouldn't say, "Boy, did I get lucky,"; rather, they would say, "I am so blessed!" I am not making fun of Christians. I think we should give God the credit for the good things in our life. I often forget that my life is full of these blessings, which may be why God has smacked me in the face with an inaviodable blessing more commonly referred to as my (our) apartment.
First of all, God has blessed me with the opportunity to live in a place for which I am paying wayy to much per month. I am a tightwad, and my family calls me "cheap" on a regular basis. Even still, this is worth the moolah. My own room. A kitchen. A bathroom shared with one person. A getaway. A home. But what's a home, anyway, if not the people that live in it?
My roommates are beautiful in every way. I am so thankful for their friendship. They have transformed weekly Walmart trips from a dreaded experience into no big deal. We hold each other accountable--for exercising, for eating healthy, for growing in the Lord, for growing as people. We connect and relate in ways that I never would have thought we would. Together we study, laugh, and pray, kill roaches, question relationships, and write pointless inside jokes on one aonther's facebook pages.
We also lead a Bible study together each week. Tonight, we had a full house, and it was awesome. I can already tell where the Lord is wanting to move in each girl's heart. It's going to be a good semester, but we can already tell that the devil is trying to worm his way in. After everyone left, we sat at the kitchen table and talked. About friends, about boys, about the Lord, and about brokenness and healing. I never thought I'd find myself drinking wine out of coffee cups and laughing about last year.
Last semester, I remember sitting alone in my parked car at night because my dorm was not a fit environment for crying my eyes out. I remember asking God when I would be happy again. I knew it was a selfish and immature question. Basically, I was asking God if He would relieve me of my circumstances. I remember pleading, I just want to feel okay again. I just want things to go back to the way they were before.
Things didn't go back to the way they were before, and they never will. That season was long gone. But thankfully, the season of crying in the parking lot is over now, too. I know that I will face heartache again. I know that this high season will end at some point, too. But I know that with each season (high or low) comes experience, wisdom, and growth. And each time, it will be worth it.
You have turned my mourning into dancing. Psalm 30:11
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