MLIA.

It is autumn, but it feels like winter.

This is messing up my romanticising of October.

My Mom, being the Southern Living reading, HGTV watching, flea market running woman she is, found an idea in a magazine involving doors and paper bats. She sent me the magazine page and some cut-outs, and I am proud to say that the entrace to our room now looks like this:

I carved a flippin' sweet ($5) pumpkin three days ago. It's already rotting.

Rain has been without ceasing these days. Unfortunately, I found that my rain boots had holes in them from teaching horseback in them this summer at camp. When I've worn them lately, they've gotten my socks wet, so today I decided to go shopping for new ones. I looked at every shoe store in town, including Wal-Mart, and found that this is the only pair oof size 6 rain boots in Russellville:

Not exactly my style. I decided to do without, until I waded to the library. My feet were so wet and cold that I turned right back around and drove to buy the rock-chick skull-and-crossbone shoes.

So don't mess with my rainboots. They mean business.

Jehovah Jireh

Things I want:
New Relient K cd
New DCB cd
New Bethany Dillon cd
Toms.

Things I need/Will buy anytime soon:
None of the above.

Things robbing my bank account:
NMSA Conference/Indiana Trip
Arkansas Tech University.

I am actually learning to live life as a true "broke college student." Major cut in income coming in from my parents, NO income coming in from myself. Scholarship in jeapordy. I've always been wise with my money, which is probably why I've had so much of it (and I still have enough saved up for a semester's tuition or so), but now, I'm actually having to dicipline myself to say and skip out on stuff. And yet, I'm doing fine, and have nothing to complain about.

Yesterday, the Russellville police pulled me over for the first time ever. Apparently, I was majorly speeding and didn't realize it. I thought for sure he was going to give me a ticket, and all I could think about was how much more money I was going to loose for doing something stupid. I deserved a ticket, but, Praise the Lord, he let me off with a warning.

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.

Government and Football

I feel rather anti-social these days. Studying for classes is eating me alive.
In fact, right now, I should be at a Tech football game. Instead, I am studying for an American Government test. However, I have found a loophole. I am on the 4th floor of my ancient dorm, and have opened one of the huge, ancient windows which faces the football field. I am very pleased, because Autumn is pouring through that window:
-The air is wonderfully crisp and amazing
-I can hear the band and commentator perfectly. (UAM just made another touchdown. Blah.)

Oh, how I love fall!

green grass grows all around

Tonight is officially the first night of my third semester at Arkansas Tech University.
I haven't even been back here a day, and I'm already seeing how different this year is going to be from the previous one.

Yesterday, I came back a day early for an Age to Age ministry team (aka committee) meeting, and I realized just how much I had committed to. For the first time, I really thought about what those kids are dealing with, and what Age to Age does for them. Heck, for the first time, I thought about the kids, and not myself. It's a new perspective, focusing on others: you'd be surprised how much more the world you can see after you've started to deflate your head.

Which brings me to where I am now...seven feet above my dorm floor on a top bunk, above roommate #1, and across from roommate #2. You must understand that this is a sacrifice for me. I am not a fan of near-death experiences everytime I want to relax. But you know what I'm learning? The world isn't about what I'm not a fan of.

Last semester, I basically lived without a roommate, so I basically had an entire room to myself in the nicest suite-styled dorm on campus. This semester, I'm living with two other girls in the oldest dorm on campus. We all have different personality types, music preferences, schedules, and activities. Moving in today was so hard for me. I have way less space this year. In fact, I really don't have any space of my own. But again, I finally just realized that this world isn't about me and my space and my bed and my picture frames. The hours I spent organizing and perfecting what space I've claimed as my own could have been spent meeting the girls on my hall, and building relationships with terrified and/or overly confident freshman. I'm having to re-learn all the rules you learn in preschool...
Be considerate.
Share with others.
The world doesn't revolve around you.

Last year I stuggled with lonliness in a room all by myself.
Is the grass greener on the other side? Yes.
Thank you, God, for giving two amazing roommates, and a bed suspended in the clouds.
Thank for testing me in this area, because I know it is an opportunity to stretch, to grow, and to be humbled.

2,972

2,972. That's the population of my hometown.

I memorized the number when I was in about the 9th grade, because when I said "small town," some people just didn't fully understand. I'm sure I've ranted about my town on here before, but it's time to do it again. I don't hate England. But there comes a point to where a person's "home" is no longer where they feel the most at home. 1

I returned to England, Arkansas last week to find that a large handful of my high school classmates were now happily married to other of my high school classmates. I am not surprised by this, because it happens to everyone, and I knew it was coming soon. What's surprising is that they found love among the 2,972. I'm slightly jealous. 2

I have also realized that England no longer holds anything for me. My parents and grandfather. And Charlotte's Eats and Sweets (which technically isn't even in England)3. That's about it. My friends have all gone on and made new lives just like I have. They have no need to return to England either. I no longer have any close association with anyone at the high school, so there's really no point in returning for football games and graduations.

I'm not trying to evoke blasphamy on my town. It's just that, well, it's no longer my town. I've been here a week, and a week too long. I surely can't wait to return to Russellville on Sunday...it contains a Wal-mart. Oh, and my life.


1 A good sign of this is when you prefer your rock-solid camp mattress to the large bed you've slept in the majority of your life.
2 Nah...
3 Charlotte's Eats and Sweets, God's gift to Arkansas. If you haven't eaten there, please do, and order a Keo Klassic, so that your life will be made complete.

Camper Dream Fulfilled

I guess I'm having withdraws.

Every time I sleep, my subconcious mind assumes that I am surrounded by children.
Example 1: My first night home, I sat up and started teaching an activity in my sleep.
Example 2: At 4:00 this morning, my parents told me to come downstairs because the tornado siren had gone off. In my mind I told "the girls" to start rounding up their things and to follow me downstairs.
Example 3: When I woke up from a long nap this afternoon, my immediate thoughts were, "oh no. They're going to think I got sick, too, and send them back without a senior counselor. I'm not sick! Don't worry, girls, I'll be there soon!" My mom had to convince me that there was in fact no one in the house besides the two of us, and that they had not come to my house to complete a 9th session.

No one else sleeps in the same room as me.
There are not numerous 9-15 year olds around my bedroom. Just me.
Camp is over.

I'm not sad, just surprised. The past 2 months were the longest, hardest, funnest, shortest, and best 9 weeks of my life. I grew and learned so much this summer. At the very beginning of the summer, I struggled with wanting to be at camp. I remember thinking, 'I need my life back.' But, a mere two weeks later, my new motto was, 'This IS my life.'

God did amazing things this summer (despite the craziness of Camp 8--campers and counselors were dropping like flies due to...flu? Plus, it rained literally every day. Longest week of my life.). Hundreds of kids came to know Jesus for the first time, and thousands made the decision to get right with God and start living for him again. Kids loved and looked up to me, and I still find it hard to believe the amount of influence I had over them. Girls told me that I changed their lives. Seriously? God used me to impart wisdom into the lives of hundreds of young people. Whoa. Camper dream fulfilled.

This summer was truly amazing, but I don't feel like my work at Brookhill is quite done yet. I feel like God wants me there at least one more summer. I suppose we'll find out.

I thank Jesus Christ our Lord, who has given me the opportunity to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him.
1 Timothy 1:12

incomplete sentences.

Home from camp for 40-ish hours.
Tired.
Appears that life outside of camp does exist after all. Who knew?

Part of me wants to delete this blog. I've made it too personal.
Part of me wants to delete large chunks of my facebook for similar reasons.
Probably should do these things.
Too lazy.

2 weeks of camp left.
Bittersweet.

amen.