it's official.

I'm taking a class called Educational Assessments: Tests and Measurements. It is probably the most ridiculously confusing class I have ever taken. My classmates and I have no idea what we're doing. In fact, we have a test tomorrow (yes, a test on testing!) over material our professor literally gave us yesterday. This is how all of his tests go. (I blame it on the fact that he graduated from Texas A&M...you know how those Texans can be.)

I'm also supposed to be creating my own 50-item test, complete with affilliated standards and objects and validity and readibility and realiability and all those other bilities. Here's a fun example:

Georgia Wyllia is
a.) past the point of sleep deprivation
b.) broke
c.) swimming in schoolwork
d.) surviving on various sources of free food
e.) all of the above

For the first time in my 2 years at ATU, I can truly say that the correct answer is e.) .

I am officially a sterotypical college student. And you know what?
In the strangest way possible,
it's kind of fun. :)

Your love is strong.

in Your presence,
i can
breathe.

i'm desprate
for Your peace.
i'm lost
without Your love.

Your hope...
is everything.

You won't let me go;
I will dance in Your faithfulness.

((hope doubt sadness love irritation impatience joy grief longing relief peace))

i wish i could vomit my emotions on canvas and call it art.

messy

i came inches from death on a train track today,
all because of my own carelessness.

i am inconsistent,
and i change my mind "like a girl changes clothes."

i only pay attention in classes i like,
and i don't like many of my classes.

i try to be everything to everyone,
and it kills me when i can't.

i think a lot about the past,
and don't allow myself to think about the future.

i hear my friends talk about their desires for serious relationships,
and i make no effort to search for my own "prince charming."

i work myself to death,
but i don't stress.

i feel emotion,
but i don't cry.

my biggest fear is losing my scholarship,
yet part of me yearns to drop out of school and travel the country in a VW van.

half of me can't wait to submit, cook, clean, and have babies.
the other half of me is a strong, independent feminist.

i have beliefs that are more conservative,
and i have beliefs that clash with my Southern, Baptist background.

all my life, i've been labelled "the good girl,"
and some days, i just want to let loose.

sometimes, i go to church to worship.
sometimes, i "go through the motions."


and, worst of all,
i feel guilty about every one of these facts.
guilt. falling short of perfection.
i don't know why, but it eats me up.
quite frankly, i'm a mess.

i'm sick of the church's categories of "good sin" and "bad sin."
i've never committed a felony. i've never done drugs. i've never even had sex.
my downfall? obsessive and constant guilt.
i've had enough of these lies whispered in my ear. They will not confine me, oh no.

All my silly guilt and shame--You can have it.

There is no sweeter feeling than the breath of freedom.