dependent

I hear you say,

"my love is over
it's underneath
it's inside
it's in between.
the times you doubt me
and when you can't feel
the times that you question,
'is this for real?'
the times you're broken
the times that you mend
the times you hate me
the times that you bend.
my love is over
it's underneath
it's inside
it's in between
the times you're healing and when your heart breaks
the times you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times that you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry
and are tempted to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
i'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
i'm there through the heartache
i'm there in the storm
my love i will keep you
by my power alone
i don't can't where you've fallen
or where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends,
it never ends.

-tenth avenue north, "times"

Finally

It's Finals week!!

Pros:
- Harry Potter marathons on ABC family
- Dead Day
- No class
- Christmas music
- Christmas parties
- Crazy, random, sparattic, and dangerous adventures
- Sleep deprived conversation
- Increased midnight trips to Waffle House
- $$ Book buy back $$
- Knowing that you are only days away from a month at home


Cons:
- Comprehensive tests
- Final projects
- Final papers
- Eating too many cookies at Christmas parties
- Getting $15 for a book you paid $150 for and used twice
- Sleep deprivation
- Packing
- Knowing that you are only days away from a month away from home


(Please notice that there are more Pros than Cons. Why yes, I am an optimist!)

Confessions of a hermit?

My freshman year of college, I was a Caf-er. I socilized over sketchy meals in the cafeteria every lunch and dinner. As the semesters have gone by, however, I have become a To-Go Lunch-er. While I do enjoy eating questionable food with friends, long lines and noisy crowds are no longer my thing. Almost every day, I grab my Caf-to-go lunch (a wrap, baked lays, oreos, and a baby Dasani) and head to my room in Nutt Hall, the most antisocial dorm on campus.

What do I do while eating this solitary meal?
Do I watch television? No.
Do I do homework? Sometimes.
Do I check facebook? Occasionally.
What, then, do I do?

I read "Stuff Christians Like," the blog by Jon Acuff. And I read it faithfully.

Today, in the library I ran across a Yahoo article about annoyed athiests who put up immature billboards because they are tired of CHRISTians hogging CHRISTmas (ironic?).

I thought to myself, "I wonder if Jon Acuff has blogged about this yet?"
Sure enough, there it was, mentioned in Stuff Christians Like #909: Not Saying "Happy Holidays."

Then I scrolled down and ready #907. And I blog all of this to make one point. Usually, I read this blog to laugh. Today, God used this blog to hit me in the face with exactly what I needed to hear. So, without further ado, maybe this will speak to you like it spoke to me.

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/12/the-soft-x/#more-4101

Boggled

Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I am a planner.

And anyone who knows God can tell you what God likes to do with these plans.

Now, I have never actually played a legitmate game of Boggle. In fact, the most experience I have with the game of Boggle is shared with Peggy Hill and my television set. However, it seems to be the illustration that keeps popping back into my head.

In the past month or so, I felt so set in my current season of life. It was organized. All the letters were aligned in the way that I wanted them. Things I had hoped for, prayed for, and longed for for so long were finally appearing in my life. Words were playing off of other words, making new words, scoring points. Life wasn't a breeze, but it was pretty comforting.

And now, my pretty little world has been shaken.

Everything I worked so hard to build--rattled.

All the plans I had made--interrupted.

All the familiarity--gone.

You know, maybe it was time for a good shake.

Maybe it's time to build some new words.

Maybe it's time to actually play Boggle so I can use it's concepts metaphorically.

Long Live

Long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you...

One day, we will be remembered.

Thanksgiving

Sometimes, I can't find words to describe what I need to say.
Other times, I do not know enough words to express the feelings of my heart.
Tonight, I will borrow the thoughts of another,
whose words hit very close to home,
and are much more collected than my own.

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
For the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

-Nichole Nordman, "Gratitude"

Storm Watch

I come from a weather-cautious family. When I was a kid, my grandmother would drag my sister and me into the hallway with quilts and games the second she saw "storm watch" scroll across the television screen. If the sky starts to get cloudly, my Dad unplugs the air conditioning and all the electronics. When my Mom hears about severe weather anywhere in Arkansas, she calls me to make sure I'm not on the road (ironically, I usually am). But as for me, I'm not the kind of person who takes extreme caution at the chance of storms. Once bad weather comes, I'll take cover--but until then, I continue to go about my life. The only problem with that is that sometimes storms catch me by surprise...

Sometimes, I don't see a storm coming until I'm already in it.

Yes, by storms I mean both physical and spiritual. The past week has been one of the craziest weeks in my life, and it totally caught me off gaurd. Last Sunday night, I found myself in a very scary and dangerous situation, and I had no idea what to do. With the help of the Holy Spirit, my friends, and the police, everything turned out alright. Because of the mess, it has been a long and tiring week, but along with the pain and confusion, I have felt so much love and support. Each day, so many people have called to check on me, pray for me, or simply ask how I was doing. I checked my phone on Monday night to find 5 voicemails--from my roommate, my friend, two leaders in my church, and the 14-year-old girl I mentor--all telling me that they were there if I needed anything. I didn't want to talk about the situation again, so I avoided talking to my family this week--I just couldn't handle explaining it again. I finally talked to my Mom yesterday, and this is the voicemail I got from her at 8:30 this morning: "Your over-protective mother is driving up whether you like it or not." She drove two hours just to take me out to lunch. I am so blessed.

Through this whole mess of a situation, I have learned three things:

1.) To be used by God, you've gotta get uncomfortable. I hear that in church all the time. In fact, I heard it last Sunday morning and last Sunday night. I walked out of chapel and got a phone call from a friend. And that's when it all started. Was stopping a close friend from committing suicide a fun way to start my busy week? No. Was it easy to call the police on my friend, knowing that it would put a DWI on her record? No. Was it worth it to literally save her life? Um, YEAH.

Jesus never said it would be easy. In fact, he said that following Him is going to be tough. You're going to be uncomfortable. You're going to have to deny yourself. You're going to be challenged. You're going to be in dangerous situations. You're going to have to fight against the enemy--so don't be surprised when he comes. Don't be surprised when life gets hard. Expect it to. And embrace it.

2.) God never intended for us to face life alone. Today in church, the leader of my Old Testament class noted how Ephesians 6 is often misinterpreted: in the original context, the word you is meant to be plural. It isn't telling us to put on the armor of God as individuals; it's telling up to get ready for battle as a church, as a whole, as an army.

We are not expected to fight alone. We can't. We are to be one body, to carry one another's burdens, to care for each other in love and compassion and prayer. And on top of that, WE HAVE THE HOLY SPIRIT! To try to handle a burden on your own is selfish and pointless, because alone, we are defenseless.

3.) Do not fear storms...but be ready for them when they come.

I guess this is growing up.

I hesitate to begin this entry for several reasons:
1.) It is a Friday night, and I should be out having fun like normal college students
2.) No one really read this blog
3.) I have no idea where to even begin updating my life.

Yet I justify each reason:
1.) Who cares. This is bliss.
2.) I need to write, no matter if anyone reads it.
3.) I'll figure it out.

And so I come back to the blogging world. Why? It is therapudic. And although I keep a journal, it only contains fragmented thoughts and prayers. Because I'm busy (/lazy).

It is November. Since last spring, my life has been a whirlwind of change. Good change. It's slightly scary, but more so exciting.

I have a boyfriend. It's true. This is my first official relationship. Ever. Therefore, I have no idea what I'm doing. And yet, I feel pretty prepared. Don't get me wrong--it is definitely a learning experience, and I am by no means experienced in this area. At the same time, though, I feel as if God used my 21 years of singleness to prepare me for this. Advice and wisdom from others has helped, too...and honestly, I feel that everything I know about life was learned from working on Brookhill Staff, relationships included. Having a boyfriend/being a girlfriend is awesome, and Roger possesses every quality (and then some) that I've ever wanted in a guy. And yet, being in a relationship is so different--and even harder--than I thought. I'm not all my own, anymore. Honestly, it's difficult to find the appropriate balance of spending time with my boyfriend, my friends, and my Savior. But that's all part of the growing experience, and I know and trust that God is using this season in my life to stretch me in so many ways.

I am a second-semester 7th grader. No, I'm not really a 13-year-old again: my professor refers to her MLED students in middle-school terms. Intro students are "6th graders", Stage II students are "7th graders", and Seniors and Interns are "8th graders." Everyone has warned me that 7th grade is the toughest, and that this semester is the hardest in the MLED program. They were not lying. It's been a rough semester, but I'm almost done with it! Yesterday, I taught my first official lesson to four periods of 5th graders. Not only was it my first lesson--it was also my first Video Teach. This means that my professor and I get to watch the recording and critique my teaching abilities together! How fun! Not. I watched the first several seconds and realized one thing: I teach school like I teach camp activities. I'm still trying to figure out if my overwhelming enthusiasm is a good thing or not. It's not fake ethusiasm. I just get really excited about metaphors and similes.

I only have 2 semesters of classes left. Ever. Insert quarter-life crisis here. This semester I've felt very burnt-out in my major. I have frequent doubts about teaching. Is this really what I want? Should I have pursued a different degree? What will I do after graduation? Will I ever actually pursue the dreams I have about teaching overseas or writing novels? Are they even realistic dreams? Will I simply be teaching in the Arkansas public school system for the rest of my life, and if so, will I be satisfied with that? Will I even make a difference in the lives of my students? Will they stand on their desks at the end of the year and salute me as "O Captain, My Captain?" Or will they think, "Thank goodness I'm done with her class?" My time at Arkansas Tech University will be over before I know it. Am I ready for that yet? Will I be ready in a year? That is not a very long time! Am I ready for a real job? Am I ready for the real world? Can anyone ever really be ready? Will I still be with Roger? And what about his dreams? Where do I fit in? Where does God want me? How will God use me? How will I allow myself to be used by Him? SO MANY QUESTIONS!

And though I am curious, I am not worried.
God has me in His hands.
His strong, yet gentle hands.
His timing is PERFECT.
He hasn't failed me yet.
He never will.
He knows the plans He has for me.
Plans to prosper me, not to destruct me.
Plans to give me a hope and a future.

He has great things in store for me.
And He has great things in store for you, too.

---
Now it's time for the hermit to leave her room.
It's International Student movie night.
And my friend Leslie picks out really bad movies.
I must make it to Hastings before she checks out.
The fate of our Friday Night is in my hands.
Goodnight.

disbelief

you've got so much love in you
you've got much love in you
i'm amazed that i'm talking to you
you look like the songs that i've heard
my whole life coming true.

-rocket summer

give all, or give up.

"...the bliss between giving my all and giving up." -Grits, Ooh Ahh

Grits as in the Christian rap group, not the breakfast food. Yes, I just quoted them. Why?

I feel that bliss.

There comes a point when there is no time for grey areas. You are either in or out. There's no giving a little here, giving a little there...it is all or nothing.

It's the feeling you get when you're running, and the only way to ease the pain in your legs is to run faster. Your claves are burning, and you want nothing more than to stop and take a breather. But you don't, because that would ruin the high.

It's the rush you get when you're giving blood. It's the most uncomfortable experience you can fathom at the time, and all you can think of is getting that needle out of your arm and downing that sugar-filled soda. If you're weak like me, you know the blackout is coming. Yet it's like a drug. You feel so refreshed when you're done that you don't even care how ugly the free shirt is. You're on top of the world.

It's that feeling of completion and satisfaction on the last day of a camp session half-way through the summer. You are so physically and emotionally drained--and yet, you've done it. You've changed lives. And you know that in less than two days, you will have to start all over again with a new group of kids. The only difference is that you will have less energy next week than you did the week before; it will take more, and you will have to give more. And when you stand behind the same chair at the end of the following week, you'll feel even more escalated.

It's the knowledge of the semester you face, knowing for a fact that you're taking on more than you can handle. The knowledge that it is not humanly possible for you and your 14 classmates to come out of Block II alive. And as much as you hate that these classes require all of you, you thrive at the challenge. You haven't had decent amounts of sleep in days. You're running only by the filling of coffee, encouragement, and the Holy Spirit. Feeling oddly at peace when you should be stressed is an addicting. Even if you have no idea how you did on that test you studied all day for, simply knowing that you tried is enough. It's enough to make you feel good.

It's the struggle of continuously working with Age to Age kids, year after year. In the midst of the choas and disrespect they throw at you, and in between those days you want to quit on the spot, you are blessed with a good day. You see the fruit. You see the budding of the seeds you've been sowing for three years, and you know it's all worth it. And you go back to the overwhemling amounts of time it extracts from your busy day, and the effort you spend on programs those kids didn't even appreciate...yet all the while you know that if 4 precious hours each Monday + 3 sacrificial hours of planning each Sunday is what it takes to be the determining factor of the course of their lives, it's worth neglecting your homework, naps, and hangout time. And while those kids yell at you and punch each other and refuse to wash dishes, you think, "This is what I live for."

There is no middle ground.
You either give up,
or give all.

sprung

I was doing fine
on my own--
and then you came along
and shook that.

I never knew
what it felt like
to burn
for a person
until i burned
for you.

I didn't know it
was possible for
a human
to make me
walk on sunshine.
but you do.

no one has ever
consumed
my thoughts
my time
my prayers
my heart
the way you are
right this moment.

I've never wanted
anything so badly
the way I want you.

i am
head
over
heels.

sprung.

and now,
it hits me:
this is how You feel
about me,
O Lord.

You are
in love with,
obessesd with,
crazy about
me.

You are
jealous.

and so I return--
all of me--
to the strong arms
of my first Love.

drop everything and read!

Why I tolerate being a Middle Level Education major:

assignments like this one.

to everything there is a season (turn turn turn)

It feels like autumn outside! Today I have worked with my windows open, letting the fall flood in. I love fall tremendously. Yesterday, my roommate and I watched the band assemble from our third floor window; it's football season again! What a beautiful and magical time of year! Today I got excited to break out my "Autumn Leaves" playlist. It includes close to 100 songs that remind of me of fall in some way or another (naturally, as years go by, the list gets longer). Some of the songs are:
-Landslide--Fleetwood Mac
-(*fin)--Anberlin
-Anything but Ordinary--Avril Lavigne
-Vienna--Billy Joel
-Daydream Believer--The Monkees
-Jesse's Girl--Rick Springfield
-Revolutionaries--Bethany Dillon
-The Best Day--Taylor Swift
-It's Not Easy (Superman)--Five for Fighting
-Left with Alabis and Lying Eyes--Emery
and the ultimate Fall Song,
-Pinch Me--Barenaked Ladies

As excited as I was to play my Fall Music this afternoon, I realized that this meant it was time to put away the Songs of Summer playlist (you see, you have to play season playlists sparingly throughout the year so they won't lose their season's feel). This makes me slightly sad, because I love summer tremendously. It is a beautiful and magical time of year. But somehow, it has slipped away. I'm not sure how I was driving down old Delta roads to visit my grandparents in May, and moments later I'm celebrating Labor Day. Please make it slow down before I'm in the nursing home.

You come like the rain

"Keep on asking, and you will recieve what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks recieves. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

You parents--if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him?"

Matthew 7:7-11

Open up the sky

fall down like rain;

we don't want blessings,

we want You!

Open up the sky

fall down like fire;

we don't want anything but You.

-deluge

Eh Tea You

"A day...is a miniature eternity." - Raplh Waldo Emerson

Well said, Ralphie. I haven't even been back in Russellville for a week, but I feel like I've been here forever. I love being back! Life has been so encouraging lately. I've realized how much I have been blessed here with great friends and a phenominal church. Of course, classes will soon become overbearing, and I'm already overcommitting to things, but I've never lived my life any other way. Although I thought about taking a year off and going to LA (it's an internship called Leader's Academy. Not Las Angeles.), I am confident that returning to Tech was the right decision. I feel right where I need to be, and I know that God is here and moving! I've got a feeling (whooo hooo) that this year's gonna be a good good year!

Completely un-realted thoughts that have crossed my mind today:

-I love birthdays. My older sister and I share a birthday, and it happens to be tomorrow. I've already started celebrating. I think it's great that we give presents and love and attention to people on their birthdays...but what about their mothers? I didn't do anything on August 28, 1989 to deserve celebration. My mom, on the other hand, did A LOT. I guess that's what Mother's Day is for. Nonetheless, tomorrow I'll be calling my mom and thanking her for pushing.

-I'm a polite person. And I try to be a servant. For example, I always open the door for other people. However, when guys walk through my open door, I feel slightly awkward, and I wonder if I'm making them feel slightly awkward because they feel like it's their job to do such things for me. If we get their first, should girls open the door for guys? I feel like I am neglecting my gender role.

-I like to listen to my iPod when I walk around campus. Many students do. But why are we expected to stay composed when listening to music? Why can't I do a little jig, or pretend to drum, or sing along? Why is it acceptable while driving, but not while walking? I'm not embarassed. I just feel like society is telling me that I should be embarassed, so I refrain. Lame.

junior year eve

I want to be a better blogger, I really do. However, when it comes down to it...I'm lousy at it.

Life after camp has been slow, and yet I can't believe I move back to Russellville in two days! It's been nice to have three weeks of carefree summer. I was able to visit my sister, Dixie, in Kansas City for a few days, as well as catch up and spend time with several friends from all the spheres of my life...

-Camp Friends: Refreshing get-together in Conway. I am so blessed with great relationships.
-High School Friends: Weird. It's interesting to see how we've all gone our different ways. Oh, and one of my closest friends from high school just got engaged. What else is knew?
-College Friends: They're all engaged. If not engaged, in a serious relationship. I think I'll start a club for the few single people left at ATU. Wait, there's not enough to form a group? Rats.

I really am excited to see what's in store for the next year. There will be lots of changes this year, but change is for the better. I know that God is going to do great things through His people...we just have to put forth the effort it will take!

--------

My room is a wreck, and instead of packing, I'm on the internet, and it's almost midnight. Welcome back, reality! I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

an unforgettable mark

so it's been a while...

I don't even know where to begin. the past two months have been a remarkable period of growth and transformation in my life. Brookhill 2010 was incredible. God did mighty things and many young people were set free from the lies of the world. Hearts were set right with God, and minds were encouraged to dig deeper. The kids had a blast, and I successfully made it through another year of horseback without knowing anything about horses (praise God for Linda!). The relationships I built with the staff this summer are indescribable. I am so grateful for my camp family, but I miss them so much!

It's odd being "home," because I feel like I left home. The ranch has felt like home to me for the past decade of my life, and it's strange to think that my time as a Brookhill counselor may be done. If that is that, I will be at peace with it. Being a counselor has molded me into the person that I am: three years as a Junior Counselor--boy did that teach me some life lessons. And two as a Senior Counselor taught me not only to walk in leadership, but also in confidence, influence, teamwork, humility, spiritual discipline, and limitless love that can be fueled only through Christ. Our theme for the summer was "Leaving and Unforgettable Mark." I can honestly say that while I left a mark on the kids, a mark was left on me as well!

Whether this was my last summer at camp or not, I truly feel that this summer has closed one chapter in my life to make room for a new one. In three weeks, I will turn 21 years old. I thought the awkward ages were done once you made it through Junior High. Wrong. What am I? Dependent on my parents or independent? Collge kid or adult? Crazy camp counselor or mature teacher-in-training? Student or leader? All of the above? I have no idea. I guess we'll find out. Come whatever may, am I excited to see what God has in store for the upcoming year of my life.

new

"But a certain sign of grace is this:

from the broken earth,

flowers come up,

pushing through the dirt."

-David Crowder*Band

Tenacious G

"I will go down with this ship,

and I won't put up my hands in surrender.

There will be no white flag above my door."

"You can stand me up at the gates of Hell

but I'll stand my ground,

and I won't back down."

"I will stumble, I will fall down

but I will not be moved.

I will make mistakes,

I will face heartaches,

but I will not be moved.

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand,

all other ground is sinking sand;

I will not be moved!"

Q: What do Dido, Tom Petty and Natalie Grant all have in common?

A: Songs I have sang to the devil/my classes this week.

I was once prophesied/spoken Truth over by the pastor and elders of my church.

Apparently, the Holy Spirit told them each the same thing...that I am "tenacious."

One of them even called me Tenacious G.

All this to say 1.) my church has cool elders,

and 2.) I will not be easily shaken by silly things such as grades and money.

My joy is not situational, and I will not let it be stolen.

In other news...

Mission Green Tea Frappachino: attained.

It was about time, too.

it's official.

I'm taking a class called Educational Assessments: Tests and Measurements. It is probably the most ridiculously confusing class I have ever taken. My classmates and I have no idea what we're doing. In fact, we have a test tomorrow (yes, a test on testing!) over material our professor literally gave us yesterday. This is how all of his tests go. (I blame it on the fact that he graduated from Texas A&M...you know how those Texans can be.)

I'm also supposed to be creating my own 50-item test, complete with affilliated standards and objects and validity and readibility and realiability and all those other bilities. Here's a fun example:

Georgia Wyllia is
a.) past the point of sleep deprivation
b.) broke
c.) swimming in schoolwork
d.) surviving on various sources of free food
e.) all of the above

For the first time in my 2 years at ATU, I can truly say that the correct answer is e.) .

I am officially a sterotypical college student. And you know what?
In the strangest way possible,
it's kind of fun. :)

Your love is strong.

in Your presence,
i can
breathe.

i'm desprate
for Your peace.
i'm lost
without Your love.

Your hope...
is everything.

You won't let me go;
I will dance in Your faithfulness.

((hope doubt sadness love irritation impatience joy grief longing relief peace))

i wish i could vomit my emotions on canvas and call it art.

messy

i came inches from death on a train track today,
all because of my own carelessness.

i am inconsistent,
and i change my mind "like a girl changes clothes."

i only pay attention in classes i like,
and i don't like many of my classes.

i try to be everything to everyone,
and it kills me when i can't.

i think a lot about the past,
and don't allow myself to think about the future.

i hear my friends talk about their desires for serious relationships,
and i make no effort to search for my own "prince charming."

i work myself to death,
but i don't stress.

i feel emotion,
but i don't cry.

my biggest fear is losing my scholarship,
yet part of me yearns to drop out of school and travel the country in a VW van.

half of me can't wait to submit, cook, clean, and have babies.
the other half of me is a strong, independent feminist.

i have beliefs that are more conservative,
and i have beliefs that clash with my Southern, Baptist background.

all my life, i've been labelled "the good girl,"
and some days, i just want to let loose.

sometimes, i go to church to worship.
sometimes, i "go through the motions."


and, worst of all,
i feel guilty about every one of these facts.
guilt. falling short of perfection.
i don't know why, but it eats me up.
quite frankly, i'm a mess.

i'm sick of the church's categories of "good sin" and "bad sin."
i've never committed a felony. i've never done drugs. i've never even had sex.
my downfall? obsessive and constant guilt.
i've had enough of these lies whispered in my ear. They will not confine me, oh no.

All my silly guilt and shame--You can have it.

There is no sweeter feeling than the breath of freedom.

the B's knees

Things I miss about high school:

1. Chicken Nugget Day
2. A's.


Last semester, I created a rewards system for myself. Every A on a test earned me a Green Tea Frappachino from Starbucks.

My results from last week's tests: 87, 87, 82.

I'm not beating myself up. They were difficult tests. Besides, it's Skinny Vanilla Latte weather, anyway.

But where, oh where, is that distant number 9?

When it comes,
rest assure,
I am getting a Grande.

in better hands

The older I get, the more I realize how little I know myself.
Who I am, who I want to be, what I want to do--
the older I get, the more I realize how little it matters.




It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down.

oh, how we cried the day you left us
we gathered 'round your grave to grieve
i wish i could see the angels' faces
when they hear your sweet voice sing

go rest high on that mountain
son, you work on earth is done
go to heaven a shoutin'
love for the Father and the Son

**Let it Snow**

"Anything can happen on a snow day." --Snow Day, 2000

Remember that great movie? I don't think I've watched it since about 2002, but I know that it depicts every real "snow day" I've ever experiened. Which is, well...not many. Many of my most vivid and precious memories are of elementary and middle school snow days. The neighboorhood snowball fights, the frozen 4-wheeler rides, the piles of wet clothes on the laundry room floor. I remember building my first snowman on a 4th grade snow day; my neighbor came outside with her camera and later created a cheesy fake magazine cover with our picture on it. That picture was on our fridge for about 2 years. On another snow day, I remember coming inside for lunch to hear from Channel 7 that Mr. Rogers (as in the land of Make Believe, trolleys, and Lady Eliane) had passed away. Most of my memories of my friend David are from snow days as well. When you live on the border of the Delta, snow days are just special.

It never snowed enough to have a real snow day when I was in high school. Within those four years, school let out a few times, but mainly because of icy roads or mere sprinkles that melted by noon. Which brings me to say that last weekend I not only experienced a real snow day for the first time in over 5 years, but two of them! Here's a short re-cap:

Thursday night: ATU cancels classes for Friday. This resuts in much excitement, partying, and movie-watching.


Friday: Learned what life must be like for glass figureines that live in snowglobes. Witnessed the falling of the biggest snowflakes I've ever seen in my life. Participated in many snowball fights. Risked life by driving on roads to get to Crow Mountain and Old Post Park. Sledded down many hills. Grilled hot dogs, sandwhiches, and cantelope (we like experimenting) on an illegal George Foreman girll in a dorm room. Insert frozen feet and more movie watching.

Saturday: More life risking, more sledding. Built a snowman for the second time in my life. This one was a little more impressive than my first: 8.5 feet tall. It took much man(and woman)power, time, and cafeteria fruit. More cold feet, more movie watching.

Sunday: Went to church, which, conicidently, happened to be the location of our Snow Beast. We got recognized for it in church. Little kids and adults wanted their picture taken with it. This must be similar to the feeling a parent gets when everyone wants to hold their newborn child. What a great day!

While our snow man will probably live for another 3 weeks, the white has mostly faded from the rest of the ground. Classes have resumed. Tests and homework have returned. Today, I've had almost 5 hours of free time to work on my growing to-do list. What have I accomplished? Nothing. And I have this great, extreme urge for dancing. I may or may not have gotten down in my room eariler, or driven to Sonic Happy Hour just so I could jam. What can I say? The snow day made me do it.

"sup."

About this time every semester, when the reality of difficult classes sets in, I am befriended by an athlete boy who doesn't know how to study, or in this case, even take notes. (Note: I am not dogging athletes. I wish I was even ever-so-slightly althletic. All I'm saying is I'm noticing a pattern.)

This semester, it's a football player. For a minute there, he had me fooled. "This kid who doesn't even know me is hitting on me through facebook messages." But then I caught on: this tight-end is making freindly small talk because when the first test rolls around, he'll need a study-buddy. How am I so sure of this? I do the exact same thing.

However, I apparently give off the impression that I know what I'm doing in these classes.

If only they knew the truth...

another pointless, too-personal post

You know, I'm a very positive person. I like to look for the hope and beauty in all situations. I'm not a quitter, and I don't easily give up. However, the way I see it, there are a just some circumstances when a girl comes to realize that a relationship with a guy is unquestionably unattainable.

Circumstance #1: He is married.
(He's pretty attractive...so is the wallet portrait of his wife and baby.)

Circumstance #2: He is your blood relative.
(Your dad tells you about this stiking young lad about your age...that he met at your great aunt's funeral.)

Circumstance #3: He is pursuing a career in Preisthood, and has sworn to a life of celibacy.
(Face it. The prettiest girl in the world can't compete with God.)

And finally,

Circumstance #4: One of your best friends likes him, too.
("Would you look at that? Yet another thing we have in common!")


Well, that crush was fun while it lasted.

Dear Vikings, let's be friends.

I am enjoying every minute of this Cowboy defeat.

Every. Minute.

like a morning cloud

"What shall I do with you, O Ephriam?

What shall I do with you, O Judah?

Your love is like a morning cloud,

like dew that goes early away.

Therefore I have hewn them by the prophets;

I have slain them by the words of my mouth,

and my judgement goes forth as the light.

For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice,

the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings."

Hosea 6:4-6

-----------------------------------------------------

Oh, if I could love you with a steadfast love.

dear laurie,

there are very few things left for me in this town.
you are one of them.
i hate that conversation is always cut off
by my driveway--
the drive home is never long enough.
sometimes i wish we could fall in love
like best friends do
in television shows and books and movies.
but no matter how appealing it seems,
i know that somewhere out there
lies an Amy for you
and a Friedrick for me.

advice for males

So, occasionally, when I'm bored, I kind of stalk Bradley Hathaway, because he's like, my soul brother or something.

Found this on his twitter:
"Are you like me and struggle with stanky armpits no matter what you do? Try shaving them. 70% satisfaction gauranteed or your money back."

So my hypothesis that guys smell bad because their deodorant can't properly work due to their hairy pits has been proven.