Last night, a friend and I were driving around Kansas City, and thanks to his trusty GPS, we were able to find our way from his house to the place I was staying on the other side of the city. After being "rerouted" a few times, we got into a discussion on how God is not unlike a GPS system; that conversation has been swimming in my head ever since.
When it comes to dealing with the future, I have always been a worrier. It's not necessarily that I worry, but more that I am too reliant on order and organization. I like to know what I'll be doing, where I'll be doing it, and who I'll be doing it with. I like to plan, and for this reason, I have always struggled with putting my complete trust and reliance on God.
How does this tie in with a GPS? I'll tell you. Sometimes I think that my Tom-Tom is heaven-sent. It takes me exactly where I need to go, even when I have no idea where I'm headed. However, it takes the trip little by little. Sometimes, on long trips with lots of interstate traveling, it won't speak for hours, because I'm on a straight path, just where I need to be. This often scares me, because when it goes a long time without speaking, I fear that it's shut off or that something has gone technologically wrong. However, as soon as I need to turn onto a new road or take a new exit, it tells me in just the right amount of time.
For example, my GPS won't tell me to take action until I need to. It won't say, "turn left in 20 miles," because that would just be ridiculous, and would make me even more confused for showing me what was ahead before I was ready for it. When the time comes, though, in it's sweet British voice, it reassuringly speaks, "left turn ahead." In the same way, God doesn't show us what our life will be like in 10 years, because what will be important 10 years from now isn't important at this very moment. When the time comes, he'll tell us what action to take, but not until the time is right. When God seems to be silent about the future, perhaps it is because the road we are on now is the one we need to be on. Eventually, we will take new roads, but until then, we stay on the one we're currently traveling.
I don't know how many times I've taken wrong turns and gotten completely lost. However, each time I do, my Tom-Tom tells me to "turn around when possible." If I stubbornly refuse to do so, it then reroutes itself so that I can get back on the right track from the point that I have landed myself, no matter how far off track it may be. Lots of times, I worry that one wrong decision will completely put God's plan out of whack. How selfish is that? Do I really think that God is that simple? That he doesn't have the power to put me back of track, no matter how many wrong turns I've taken? God will always find me where I am. He will always reroute me back to where he wants me to be.
Why are GPS systems so much more reliable than me? (Well, other than the fact that I am horrible with directions?) Because they have a satellite signal from above. They see the whole when I can only see parts. I can only see what's happening in the present, and yet God knows my entire life story--past, present, and future. I don't need to see what's coming, because He does. He will tell me what I need to know, when I need to know it...but only in HIS timing, his perfect timing.
Anyone who even knows me well knows that I get lost very easily. Without my GPS, I'd probably be stuck somewhere in Canada right now. In the same way, I don't even want to think of where I would be without God's guidance and directions. Without his global positioning, I would truly be lost.
Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; seek his will in all that you do, and he will show you which paths to take.
Proverbs 3:5-6
'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.'
Jeremiah 29:11
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Life in cartoon motion
Sometimes, I wish I were a cartoon character.
Because cartoon characters can get away with wearing the exact same outfit everyday of their lives.
Hence, were I a cartoon charcter, I would not hate packing so much.
(That's another reason why I love working at camp.
I never have to decide what to wear. Because all of my shirts are identical.)
I feel like I'm always packing. I love traveling, but I hate packing. And I put it off as long as I can. Just like I'm doing now.
Packing in the winter is even worse, because you have to pack layers.
And I'm not sure if I'm ready for single-digit temperatures...
I will be spending the next two weeks in Kansas City.
Week One will be spent Christmas-ing with my family at my sister's apartment. (Don't tell me that Christmas-ing isn't a word, because bygolly, if the woman who sings "Merry Christmas Darling" can make up words and sing them on public radio, then I can use those words in sentences.)
Week Two will be spent...I really don't know where. At the International House of Prayer? I'm attending a conference called Onething. And staying with a friend who is housing about 20 people on top of the 10 who already inhabit her home. That should be fun. I'm excited!
Just look at that empty blue suitcase.
Sitting on my bed.
Mocking me.
Because cartoon characters can get away with wearing the exact same outfit everyday of their lives.
Hence, were I a cartoon charcter, I would not hate packing so much.
(That's another reason why I love working at camp.
I never have to decide what to wear. Because all of my shirts are identical.)
I feel like I'm always packing. I love traveling, but I hate packing. And I put it off as long as I can. Just like I'm doing now.
Packing in the winter is even worse, because you have to pack layers.
And I'm not sure if I'm ready for single-digit temperatures...
I will be spending the next two weeks in Kansas City.
Week One will be spent Christmas-ing with my family at my sister's apartment. (Don't tell me that Christmas-ing isn't a word, because bygolly, if the woman who sings "Merry Christmas Darling" can make up words and sing them on public radio, then I can use those words in sentences.)
Week Two will be spent...I really don't know where. At the International House of Prayer? I'm attending a conference called Onething. And staying with a friend who is housing about 20 people on top of the 10 who already inhabit her home. That should be fun. I'm excited!
Just look at that empty blue suitcase.
Sitting on my bed.
Mocking me.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Home for the Holidays
I failed my Geography final...
but still got an 87 in the class.
The pessimist would say, "Well dang. There goes that A."
The optimist would say, "I'm so good that I can bomb a final and STILL get a B in the class!"
Since I am neither an optimist nor a pessimist, I am choosing to say, "I miss living in a city with more than 3,000 people in it, because there is no place around here to get a good cup of coffee."
------
-I have already been home for three days.
-I have already gone to the Rice and Duck capital of the world/hunter's paradise, aka Stuttgart/Mac's.
-I have already spent wayyy too much time in my bed.
-I have already read/finished reading two books.
-I have already wrapped all my family's presents, including my own.
-I have already watched 4 horrible Hallmark Christmas movies.
-I have already realized that I won't really get to see any of my friends from home until after Christmas, because by the time most of them get home, I will be in Kansas City.
- I have already felt the need to "get out" and travel to Little Rock...
...and yet, I am loving and savoring every moment of my Christmas Break.
but still got an 87 in the class.
The pessimist would say, "Well dang. There goes that A."
The optimist would say, "I'm so good that I can bomb a final and STILL get a B in the class!"
Since I am neither an optimist nor a pessimist, I am choosing to say, "I miss living in a city with more than 3,000 people in it, because there is no place around here to get a good cup of coffee."
------
-I have already been home for three days.
-I have already gone to the Rice and Duck capital of the world/hunter's paradise, aka Stuttgart/Mac's.
-I have already spent wayyy too much time in my bed.
-I have already read/finished reading two books.
-I have already wrapped all my family's presents, including my own.
-I have already watched 4 horrible Hallmark Christmas movies.
-I have already realized that I won't really get to see any of my friends from home until after Christmas, because by the time most of them get home, I will be in Kansas City.
- I have already felt the need to "get out" and travel to Little Rock...
...and yet, I am loving and savoring every moment of my Christmas Break.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The dawn is breaking, a light shining through
I can see the light of this tunnel they call finals.
I have only one left tomorrow, and I'm estatic.
I shall not discuss how my tests have gone so far, because I've found that I am often and unreliable source, and even when I'm certain that I've failed a test, I could very well have made a B on it.
Let's just say I hope I'm a good gusser. Because I guessed on 55 of 60 Geography questions, and about 70 of 100 World Civ questions.
So much for the benefits of studying.
Oh look, I'm discussing finals after all. I'll stop here and spare you.
Difference Between High School and College #347:
In college, grades actually matter.
All four years of my high school career, I unecessarily worried myself with my GPA. For what? Five minutes of fame in front of 300 people and a misprinted position of "Salutatorian" in size 12 font on a cheezily-printed graduation program (I was SO Valedictorian). In reality, all you have to do in high school is pass. You can make straight Ds and still have a very successful colliegiate experience/career. In high school, grades are pretty much just there to determine how much or how little of a bum you are. In college, on the other hand, passing grades are required to a.) Keep scholarships that completely provide for your education, b.) continue your studies, and c.) get hired. But no pressure, right?
Differeence Between High School and College #348:
In collge, grades don't really matter anymore.
Right, no pressure. You see, in high school, grades determine not only your intellect, but also your social status. Starting in elementary school, you are either labelled as a "Smart Kid," a "Dumb Kid," or an "Average Kid." In collge, however, no one even knows what anyone's GPA is, and no one even cares. If you fail a class in high school, it is devestating. If you aren't promoted to the next year with the rest of your class, it could very well be comparable to the end of the world. In college? Shoot, failed classes are no big deal. Yeah, it's a shame that you've lost all that money and time and effort, but hey, things happen. Better luck next time, right? If you fail a class, people don't assume you're dumb; they assume they should never take the professor that failed you. At the end of the day, a GPA is just a number that, yes, may or may not determine your potential for a successful career. But if I've learned anything in the five months that I've been here, it's not to let school get in the way of college. Yeah yeah, I'm here for a diploma, but when I look back on my college years, I'm not going to be saying, "Boy, I wish I spent more time studying in the library." No, I'm going to be thankful for all the times I stayed up until 4 am to get doughnuts with friends when I should have been studying in the library. Yes, I do study, and yes, I do work hard to keep my scholarship, but college is no longer about grades. It's about relationships, and living the "best four years of my life" to the utmost fullest.
And that's my soapbox for the night.
I have only one left tomorrow, and I'm estatic.
I shall not discuss how my tests have gone so far, because I've found that I am often and unreliable source, and even when I'm certain that I've failed a test, I could very well have made a B on it.
Let's just say I hope I'm a good gusser. Because I guessed on 55 of 60 Geography questions, and about 70 of 100 World Civ questions.
So much for the benefits of studying.
Oh look, I'm discussing finals after all. I'll stop here and spare you.
Difference Between High School and College #347:
In college, grades actually matter.
All four years of my high school career, I unecessarily worried myself with my GPA. For what? Five minutes of fame in front of 300 people and a misprinted position of "Salutatorian" in size 12 font on a cheezily-printed graduation program (I was SO Valedictorian). In reality, all you have to do in high school is pass. You can make straight Ds and still have a very successful colliegiate experience/career. In high school, grades are pretty much just there to determine how much or how little of a bum you are. In college, on the other hand, passing grades are required to a.) Keep scholarships that completely provide for your education, b.) continue your studies, and c.) get hired. But no pressure, right?
Differeence Between High School and College #348:
In collge, grades don't really matter anymore.
Right, no pressure. You see, in high school, grades determine not only your intellect, but also your social status. Starting in elementary school, you are either labelled as a "Smart Kid," a "Dumb Kid," or an "Average Kid." In collge, however, no one even knows what anyone's GPA is, and no one even cares. If you fail a class in high school, it is devestating. If you aren't promoted to the next year with the rest of your class, it could very well be comparable to the end of the world. In college? Shoot, failed classes are no big deal. Yeah, it's a shame that you've lost all that money and time and effort, but hey, things happen. Better luck next time, right? If you fail a class, people don't assume you're dumb; they assume they should never take the professor that failed you. At the end of the day, a GPA is just a number that, yes, may or may not determine your potential for a successful career. But if I've learned anything in the five months that I've been here, it's not to let school get in the way of college. Yeah yeah, I'm here for a diploma, but when I look back on my college years, I'm not going to be saying, "Boy, I wish I spent more time studying in the library." No, I'm going to be thankful for all the times I stayed up until 4 am to get doughnuts with friends when I should have been studying in the library. Yes, I do study, and yes, I do work hard to keep my scholarship, but college is no longer about grades. It's about relationships, and living the "best four years of my life" to the utmost fullest.
And that's my soapbox for the night.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Final Countdown
My first-ever college final is in 45 minutes.
I'll admit that I'm completely terrified about my Comp II test. It's bad enough having my professor tear apart papers I spend weeks writing. I don't even want to know what she's going to think about 3 essays I have to write in 2 hours.
I'm not gonna lie. The woman completely intimidates me.
Dead Day was pretty productive. I spent 80% of it studying(/socializing) in the Parks and Recreation Building. I didn't even want to go in the library. Haha, no way.
Now, though, I've gotten completely burnt out on studying. I can't look at words for more than two minutes without going crazy. I still have 3 tests to study for after today. I do not like finals.
3 days. If I can only make it 3 days...
I'll admit that I'm completely terrified about my Comp II test. It's bad enough having my professor tear apart papers I spend weeks writing. I don't even want to know what she's going to think about 3 essays I have to write in 2 hours.
I'm not gonna lie. The woman completely intimidates me.
Dead Day was pretty productive. I spent 80% of it studying(/socializing) in the Parks and Recreation Building. I didn't even want to go in the library. Haha, no way.
Now, though, I've gotten completely burnt out on studying. I can't look at words for more than two minutes without going crazy. I still have 3 tests to study for after today. I do not like finals.
3 days. If I can only make it 3 days...
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Thoughts
Five days are going to drag by too slowly, yet too quickly...
I don't feel prepared for finals at ALL.
I spent all yesterday working on my paper, so I didn't get much else done.
At least I've got that first draft out of the way, though.
I guess I'll rely on the thoughts of Deas Vail on Friday and Home on Saturday to keep me motivated.
My love for bluegrass is almost as passionate as my love for life itself.
My roommate hasn't slept in my room since we've been back from Thanksgiving.
I'm starting to feel like an only...student?
I've been reminded why I chose to "give up guys" this year...
I'm convinced that either there's one specific person who will undoubtedly be "the one,"
or I will not marry at all.
Right now I'm good with either option.
I don't feel prepared for finals at ALL.
I spent all yesterday working on my paper, so I didn't get much else done.
At least I've got that first draft out of the way, though.
I guess I'll rely on the thoughts of Deas Vail on Friday and Home on Saturday to keep me motivated.
My love for bluegrass is almost as passionate as my love for life itself.
My roommate hasn't slept in my room since we've been back from Thanksgiving.
I'm starting to feel like an only...student?
I've been reminded why I chose to "give up guys" this year...
I'm convinced that either there's one specific person who will undoubtedly be "the one,"
or I will not marry at all.
Right now I'm good with either option.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
YAY!
I am really excited.
Here's why:
To get an A in College Algebra, all I have to make on my final is at least a 66%.
To get a B in Geography, all I have to make on my final is a 62%.
To get an A in World Civ, all I have to make on my final is a 75%.
To get an A in film, all I pretty much have to do make the slightest bit of effort on my final.
I can totally do all of these.
I have no idea what I'll have in English, since my professor has provided me with little to no feedback all semseter.
If I don't make an A in "Tech 1001," my lame, pointless orientation class, I will be very angry.
Either way, I am relieved to know that as long as I put forth the right amount of effort, my scholarship is safe for this semester.
Phew.
Here's why:
To get an A in College Algebra, all I have to make on my final is at least a 66%.
To get a B in Geography, all I have to make on my final is a 62%.
To get an A in World Civ, all I have to make on my final is a 75%.
To get an A in film, all I pretty much have to do make the slightest bit of effort on my final.
I can totally do all of these.
I have no idea what I'll have in English, since my professor has provided me with little to no feedback all semseter.
If I don't make an A in "Tech 1001," my lame, pointless orientation class, I will be very angry.
Either way, I am relieved to know that as long as I put forth the right amount of effort, my scholarship is safe for this semester.
Phew.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Christmas, Camp, and Caleb
Despite the fact that I am only one week away from finals, and a paper deadline, I have done very little homework all day. Instead, I have found better ways to spend my time, such as napping, socializing, letting my sister interview me for her Religious Studies class, sending my friends encouaging emails, wasting my life on facebook, and most importantly, decorating my dorm room for Christmas.
Our suite door now has a sweet Chrismas wreath(yes, pun intended) to accompany the acorns with our names on them, along with my latest addition to the dry erase board "ChestNUTTs roasting on an open fire." Again, a pun is very much intended. (I live in Nutt Hall.)
Our counter/mirror area is adorned with garland and some weird red streamer that I found in my sister's box of Christmas dorm decor. Our room not only has a small 60s-esque silver Christmas tree, but also a glass bowl of Christmas ornaments, as well as Christmas balls hanging from the windows. It is quite cozy and festive. Just call me Martha Stewart.
I have been thinking a lot about camp lately (lately as in today.) I don't know if it was the dream I had about Brookhill last night, or the conversations I've had with camp friends today, or random looking-over of old church and staff-meeting notes, or the facebook albums of Turkey Day, or the fact that I just listened to "Ready Now" by Desperation Band and am now listening to "In Your Presense" by Charity Von. Probably a combination of all of the above. It's not so much that I wonder if I'll be back or not this summer...I do, but it's not really a big issue with me right now. I guess I've just been reliving memories, which makes me both happy and sad. I miss my fellow counselors. I miss my campers. I miss the incredible teaching of the camp directors.
A facebook comment from one of my friends made me realize that although he became one of my favorite people this summer, I really hadn't really held a conversation with him since the day we all parted at Chili's after Camp 8. And then I started remembering that day, which was probably one of the saddest and hardest experiences of my life, knowing that we were all going to different cities and different states and different continents even...three of us knowing that it was very likely that we would never all be counselors together again, or even counselors at all. My love for these four major people makes me miss them all terribly. I know that God has put us all in different places for different reasons, and it makes me so happy to hear about their lives...yet still, I wish that Africa and Louisiana and Fayetville and Russellville could all clash together and from Afyetanaville or something.
On a note of less contemplation, tomorrow is the Wesley Banquet.
And my date and I are going to look hot.
Our suite door now has a sweet Chrismas wreath(yes, pun intended) to accompany the acorns with our names on them, along with my latest addition to the dry erase board "ChestNUTTs roasting on an open fire." Again, a pun is very much intended. (I live in Nutt Hall.)
Our counter/mirror area is adorned with garland and some weird red streamer that I found in my sister's box of Christmas dorm decor. Our room not only has a small 60s-esque silver Christmas tree, but also a glass bowl of Christmas ornaments, as well as Christmas balls hanging from the windows. It is quite cozy and festive. Just call me Martha Stewart.
I have been thinking a lot about camp lately (lately as in today.) I don't know if it was the dream I had about Brookhill last night, or the conversations I've had with camp friends today, or random looking-over of old church and staff-meeting notes, or the facebook albums of Turkey Day, or the fact that I just listened to "Ready Now" by Desperation Band and am now listening to "In Your Presense" by Charity Von. Probably a combination of all of the above. It's not so much that I wonder if I'll be back or not this summer...I do, but it's not really a big issue with me right now. I guess I've just been reliving memories, which makes me both happy and sad. I miss my fellow counselors. I miss my campers. I miss the incredible teaching of the camp directors.
A facebook comment from one of my friends made me realize that although he became one of my favorite people this summer, I really hadn't really held a conversation with him since the day we all parted at Chili's after Camp 8. And then I started remembering that day, which was probably one of the saddest and hardest experiences of my life, knowing that we were all going to different cities and different states and different continents even...three of us knowing that it was very likely that we would never all be counselors together again, or even counselors at all. My love for these four major people makes me miss them all terribly. I know that God has put us all in different places for different reasons, and it makes me so happy to hear about their lives...yet still, I wish that Africa and Louisiana and Fayetville and Russellville could all clash together and from Afyetanaville or something.
On a note of less contemplation, tomorrow is the Wesley Banquet.
And my date and I are going to look hot.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Chloraseptic Blues
I woke up with a scratchy throat this morning.
I can't be getting sick again.
It's not possible. I was sick less than a month ago.
This is not cool.
I have 2 group presentations tomorrow.
And then a formal banquet on Wednesday.
And then finals, and a paper to write...
Here we go again.
On the bright side, since there is no Age to Age today, I've decided to use the time to do homework and take a nap. Mmhmm...
I can't be getting sick again.
It's not possible. I was sick less than a month ago.
This is not cool.
I have 2 group presentations tomorrow.
And then a formal banquet on Wednesday.
And then finals, and a paper to write...
Here we go again.
On the bright side, since there is no Age to Age today, I've decided to use the time to do homework and take a nap. Mmhmm...
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