i will not stress. i will not stress.

I need to either run or throw up or cry right now.
I woke up at noon, and I've been "studying" since then, but I seem to have gotten nothing accomplished.
I have so many tests and presentations and projects due next week, and just thinking about how unprepared I am makes me feel sick.

I refuse to make myself vomit,
and apparently, my eyes only allow tears to fall from them once every eigtht months.
Looks like I'm headed to Thone Field.

Dear Dr. Brown,
Please tell me why I watched three people slip and fall on the sidewalks today, and yet we still had class.

Please tell me why the majority of our professors live out of town, and yet we still had class.

Please tell me why schools south of us, such as UA Morrilton and UALR recieved less ice than our area, and yet we still had class.

Please tell me why RUSSELLVILLE School District was closed today, and yet we still had class.

Please tell me why we still had class for the past two days, and yet you have not been here.

What does it take, man??

Dear residents of the third floor,
Seriously, is it that hard to clean the lent tray from the dryers?

what a hora-bile day!

Badminton is easily my new favorite sport.

Today, I learned how to dance the Hora, a traditional Jewish dance originating from Isreal.
I'm not going to lie...it's intense.
I bet Jesus danced the Hora...
I bet he looked a lot better than 20 breathless college students trying to stay connected at the shoulder for 3 long minutes, though. Haha.

Needless to say, after the intense workouts of the gym, the badmiton court, and the dance floor since 6:30 am, I slept from 1:30 to 4:00.
Was it worth it to miss the great weather? Quite possibly.
However, now I have tons to homework to catch up on...

My bible study group is reading through the book of Revelation, which is really cool, because I attended a conference on the End Times last month. I could write a whole entry on my views of this, and perhaps I will soon. But for now, I have to read the entire text of "This We Believe: Successful Schools for Young Adolescents." It's been making me laugh a lot, so far. I'll share a tidbit with you...
"A successful shcool for young adolescents is...a joyful community that promotes in-depth learning and ehances students' physical and emotional well being."
Can you find the oxymoron in this sentence?

a biography of automotives?

I have become insecure in my writing.

I spent 4 hours writing an autobiography today.

I'm not pleased with it.

Not because I'm not pleased with my life story, but because I had no guidelines,

and because I can't fit my life story on five pages double-spaced.

Blah blah blah. My professor will probably be satisfied with it, but I am not.



On another note, the Delta Zetas and trying to recruit me again.

What can I say? I'm a legacy. They want me.

I'm going to some shopping event at Maurices

a.) To please my roommate and

b.) To get a special DZ discount on clothing.



And when I get back, at who knows when, I still have to read/study/do homework.

Woo-hoo!

lifeless questions

Here's what I want to know:
Is it possible to talk to dead people?
Not their physical carcases--that's downright freakish.
But kind of like a prayer, but to a person who's passed on rather than to God?
Because I do that occasionally.
I guess the better question would be,
do dead people listen to us?
Are they really "watching over us,"
or are they so engulfed in the splendor of being in the direct presence of God that they don't even care?
Can God pass messages to them, or hand them the phone, and say, "It's for you!"?
Can they hear what's going on in my head?
Do they see me? Do they even remember I exist? Does anything else really matter when you're praising God for all enternity?
Do these conversations that I occasionally have with the deceased really happen,
or am I just a mental case talking to myself?

Maybe I'll ask Haley Joel Osment.
I bet he could help me out.

and sorry I could not travel both

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken"

In other words,
real life is NOT like Hannah Montana;
you CANNOT get the best of both worlds.

library ramblings

I found the difference between finals week and the beginning of a semester...
When I left here in December, the library was like a can of sardines.
Tonight, I'm one of three people on the 2nd floor of the library.
Why am I here?
Because the wireless internet in my door is being lame.
And if I go a day without checking my facebook, I go crazy.
Wow. I am such a 21st Century American.

Fitness is a good high,
but it also makes me hungry.

American Idol is lame,
but free pizza is worth it.

I cannot carry a tune,
but I am joining a traveling singing group.

I don't plan to take the job at Camp War Eagle,
but I have yet to tell them this.

I plan to take a job at Brookhill,
but I am yet to be hired,
or even mail in the application.

I am trusting God's plans,
but he is yet to show me a flashing Vegas arrow.

Back to School

I didn't realize how ready I was to return to Tech until I got here yesterday.

For example, I didn't realize how much I love my roommate until we talked and laughed nonstop to catch up while watching "Mamma Mia!" and singing/dancing with Meryl Streep. Jaclyn and I have close to nothing in common, and for the last bit of the fall semester, we rarely even communicated. And yet, we're a good match for roomies. We have a class together this semester, and made the mistake of sitting beside one another. Mwahahah. I'm going to miss her next year.

Also, I didn't remember how amazing my friends here are until a hoard of us went to IHOP last night and laughed about dreaded classes, dead frogs, tetnus shots, bad 80s movies, and other topics worthy of conversation over mounds of breakfast food.

I also wasn't aware of how much I would LOVE my new schedule. I now start my days bright and early, and end them before/by noon. Introduction to Education is going to be really challenging, but I'm excited. Ditto Biology, minus the "I'm excited" part. Speech will be fun, but...awkward. Weird people, weird professor...what can I say. I guess I fit right in.

My Brookhill application came in the mail today. Senior Counselor application, might I add. Intimidating, yet exciting.

Tomorrow= Badminton, World Civ II, and SQUARE DANCING!

"The Call"

I'm currently obsessed with this song by Regina Skeptor. It was written for the movie Prince Caspian, and although it doesn't really apply to any area of my life right now, it has, and it will, and either way, it's downright beautiful.

It started out as a feeling
which then grew into a hope,
which then turned into a quiet thought,
which then turned into a quiet word.
And then that word grew louder and louder
until it was a battle cry-
I'll come back when you call me;
no need to say goodbye.

Just because everything's changing
doesn't mean it's never been this way before.
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
as you head off to the war.
Pick a star on the dark horizon
and follow the light...
You'll come back when it's over;
no need to say goodbye.

Now we're back to the beginning-
it's just a feeling and no one knows yet.
But just because they can't feel it too
doesn't mean that you have to forget.
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
until they're before your eyes.
You'll come back when they call you;
no need to say goodbye.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWr0Z6VJL4I

*EDIT*
Reading over the lyrics, this song sounds pretty lame.
Maybe I'm just a sucker for that kind of stuff.
Or maybe Regina Skeptor's voice mixed with amazing instrumental skills can make anything sound beautiful.
Gay or not. It's still on repeat.

I wish I had siblings that still lived at home.

Cleche New Year's Post

"So this is the new year...and I don't feel any different." -Deathcab for Cutie

For the first New Year in my life, I don't feel like these words apply to me at all. In fact, I feel extremely different. When I think about how and where I started the year 2008, and how and where I ended it...it doesn't even compare.

This time last year, I was wrapped too tightly around I guy that I knew wasn't right for me. And yet, no matter how much pain, stress, and drama the two of us inflicted upon each other, I didn't want to let it go. Not necessarily for fear of losing him, but for fear of change. It wasn't until this summer that I fully realized that change was exactly what I needed.

I'm not as naieve as I was this time a year ago. I'm not as tense, I'm not as easily stressed, and I'm not as easily shaken. I am more optimistic, more loving, more open-minded, and more joyful.

The majority of these changed can be fully accredited to the absense of High School. Of course I've changed since I've started college. If I hadn't have changed, then something would be seriously wrong. But the majority of these changes have taken place beause I have allowed them to, and because I have sought after them. For the first time that I can remember, I can proudly say that I am closer to God than I was the previous year, or even the previous day. I can proudly say that I am growing and deepening in my relationship with him, and that I am trying my hardest to share his love with others. Praise God for taken broken pieces and creating beauty from the ashes! Praise God that He moves from glory to glory, and that He makes all things new! I hope to read this a year from now and be able to say that I have changed and grown even more.

Farewell, 2008. Thank you for getting me out of high school, and out of England.

Welcome, 2009. Let's be friends.