Your love is strong.

in Your presence,
i can
breathe.

i'm desprate
for Your peace.
i'm lost
without Your love.

Your hope...
is everything.

You won't let me go;
I will dance in Your faithfulness.

((hope doubt sadness love irritation impatience joy grief longing relief peace))

i wish i could vomit my emotions on canvas and call it art.

messy

i came inches from death on a train track today,
all because of my own carelessness.

i am inconsistent,
and i change my mind "like a girl changes clothes."

i only pay attention in classes i like,
and i don't like many of my classes.

i try to be everything to everyone,
and it kills me when i can't.

i think a lot about the past,
and don't allow myself to think about the future.

i hear my friends talk about their desires for serious relationships,
and i make no effort to search for my own "prince charming."

i work myself to death,
but i don't stress.

i feel emotion,
but i don't cry.

my biggest fear is losing my scholarship,
yet part of me yearns to drop out of school and travel the country in a VW van.

half of me can't wait to submit, cook, clean, and have babies.
the other half of me is a strong, independent feminist.

i have beliefs that are more conservative,
and i have beliefs that clash with my Southern, Baptist background.

all my life, i've been labelled "the good girl,"
and some days, i just want to let loose.

sometimes, i go to church to worship.
sometimes, i "go through the motions."


and, worst of all,
i feel guilty about every one of these facts.
guilt. falling short of perfection.
i don't know why, but it eats me up.
quite frankly, i'm a mess.

i'm sick of the church's categories of "good sin" and "bad sin."
i've never committed a felony. i've never done drugs. i've never even had sex.
my downfall? obsessive and constant guilt.
i've had enough of these lies whispered in my ear. They will not confine me, oh no.

All my silly guilt and shame--You can have it.

There is no sweeter feeling than the breath of freedom.

the B's knees

Things I miss about high school:

1. Chicken Nugget Day
2. A's.


Last semester, I created a rewards system for myself. Every A on a test earned me a Green Tea Frappachino from Starbucks.

My results from last week's tests: 87, 87, 82.

I'm not beating myself up. They were difficult tests. Besides, it's Skinny Vanilla Latte weather, anyway.

But where, oh where, is that distant number 9?

When it comes,
rest assure,
I am getting a Grande.

in better hands

The older I get, the more I realize how little I know myself.
Who I am, who I want to be, what I want to do--
the older I get, the more I realize how little it matters.




It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down.

oh, how we cried the day you left us
we gathered 'round your grave to grieve
i wish i could see the angels' faces
when they hear your sweet voice sing

go rest high on that mountain
son, you work on earth is done
go to heaven a shoutin'
love for the Father and the Son

**Let it Snow**

"Anything can happen on a snow day." --Snow Day, 2000

Remember that great movie? I don't think I've watched it since about 2002, but I know that it depicts every real "snow day" I've ever experiened. Which is, well...not many. Many of my most vivid and precious memories are of elementary and middle school snow days. The neighboorhood snowball fights, the frozen 4-wheeler rides, the piles of wet clothes on the laundry room floor. I remember building my first snowman on a 4th grade snow day; my neighbor came outside with her camera and later created a cheesy fake magazine cover with our picture on it. That picture was on our fridge for about 2 years. On another snow day, I remember coming inside for lunch to hear from Channel 7 that Mr. Rogers (as in the land of Make Believe, trolleys, and Lady Eliane) had passed away. Most of my memories of my friend David are from snow days as well. When you live on the border of the Delta, snow days are just special.

It never snowed enough to have a real snow day when I was in high school. Within those four years, school let out a few times, but mainly because of icy roads or mere sprinkles that melted by noon. Which brings me to say that last weekend I not only experienced a real snow day for the first time in over 5 years, but two of them! Here's a short re-cap:

Thursday night: ATU cancels classes for Friday. This resuts in much excitement, partying, and movie-watching.


Friday: Learned what life must be like for glass figureines that live in snowglobes. Witnessed the falling of the biggest snowflakes I've ever seen in my life. Participated in many snowball fights. Risked life by driving on roads to get to Crow Mountain and Old Post Park. Sledded down many hills. Grilled hot dogs, sandwhiches, and cantelope (we like experimenting) on an illegal George Foreman girll in a dorm room. Insert frozen feet and more movie watching.

Saturday: More life risking, more sledding. Built a snowman for the second time in my life. This one was a little more impressive than my first: 8.5 feet tall. It took much man(and woman)power, time, and cafeteria fruit. More cold feet, more movie watching.

Sunday: Went to church, which, conicidently, happened to be the location of our Snow Beast. We got recognized for it in church. Little kids and adults wanted their picture taken with it. This must be similar to the feeling a parent gets when everyone wants to hold their newborn child. What a great day!

While our snow man will probably live for another 3 weeks, the white has mostly faded from the rest of the ground. Classes have resumed. Tests and homework have returned. Today, I've had almost 5 hours of free time to work on my growing to-do list. What have I accomplished? Nothing. And I have this great, extreme urge for dancing. I may or may not have gotten down in my room eariler, or driven to Sonic Happy Hour just so I could jam. What can I say? The snow day made me do it.