the beginning of the end

I'm done with college classes.
I could even say I'm done with "college life."

Dorm life is a distant memory. I will probably never get 3am donuts with friends again. I can't "skip" the days I'm just not feelin' it. Never again will I be able to bum lunches from campus ministy potlucks. In a way, though, I haven't experienced any of this since last year.

This semester has been a good transition. I haven't felt like I was in college at all, really. And when I actually do travel across campus and see people wearing their Greek letter shirts, complaining about cafeteria food, handing out flyers for SGA activities, or tossing a frisbee, I think to myself, "Oh yeah. I live on a college campus. In fact, I'm in college."

I remember the days of playing Apples to Apples in dorm lobbies until the RA made us leave because of the noise level. I remember when my extracurriculars were actual activities, not grown-up things like grocery shopping, teaching Sunday School, and doing workout videos. I remember when 85% of my life took place at the Wesley Foundation. I remember naps and hoodies and taking tests instead of writing them. I remember when seniors seemed so old, and graduation was inconcievable.

Next semester, I am interning in a 6th grade Language Arts classroom. "Student teaching." This means it's back to that taste of the real-world I got this summer. Back to early-morning alarms, Lean Cuisine lunches, and decent-hour bedtimes. However, unlike this summer, I will not be recieving a backcheck. Also unlike this summer, I will be on my feet and working with real, live people. 11 and 12-year-old ones, to be exact. I am excited, but I don't feel prepared. You want me to manage who? Assess what? Portfolio taskstream lessonplan curriculum common core evaluate whoby whaty?

Oh, and I'm also supposed to have my future figured out by about February. No big deal.

At least my closet is ready.

keep calm & carry on

Things I Do Not Want to Think About:

- Praxis Scores

- Internship next semester

- Life after graduation, aka my future

- My past relationships

- Guys in general

Things that I am Constantly Thinking About:

- Praxis Scores

- Internship next semester

- Life after graduation, aka my future

- My past relationships

- Guys in general

Please distract me with Christmas movies and Dirty Santa parties.

Mr. Right

My ideal man is a fictional character who has a Scottish accent and hairy feet.

This could be a problem.

Ode to Grade 5

Me, 5th grade, 2001:

Me, 5th grade, 2011:

Yes, children, there is hope.

Oct. 16

"I don't know what the date is for you--what broke apart on that day, what was lost, what memories are pinned forever to that day on the calandar. But I hope that...on that day, you leave the dance floor and hold yourself open and tender to the memories for just a moment. As one who grieves today, I grieve with you, for whatever you've lost, too. For what might have been."


-Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet

humble abode

So I'm a little late in posting these...

-Living Room/Kitchen-

-Bedroom-

Apartment life > dorm life

Joy is not dependent on circumstances. This I know. However, let's be honest--there are times in our lives that are just better or worse than others. Some seasons are low and some are high. My Joy--and more importantly, my Jesus--is present through each season. But when I come through a season in the valley into a season on a mountian top, I am without a doubt going to rejoice in thankfulness and LIVE IT UP.

I am so blessed. SO BLESSED. Sometimes, honestly, I get annoyed by that phrase. It's a favorite phrase of the Christian community. If a Christian won they lottery, they wouldn't say, "Boy, did I get lucky,"; rather, they would say, "I am so blessed!" I am not making fun of Christians. I think we should give God the credit for the good things in our life. I often forget that my life is full of these blessings, which may be why God has smacked me in the face with an inaviodable blessing more commonly referred to as my (our) apartment.

First of all, God has blessed me with the opportunity to live in a place for which I am paying wayy to much per month. I am a tightwad, and my family calls me "cheap" on a regular basis. Even still, this is worth the moolah. My own room. A kitchen. A bathroom shared with one person. A getaway. A home. But what's a home, anyway, if not the people that live in it?

My roommates are beautiful in every way. I am so thankful for their friendship. They have transformed weekly Walmart trips from a dreaded experience into no big deal. We hold each other accountable--for exercising, for eating healthy, for growing in the Lord, for growing as people. We connect and relate in ways that I never would have thought we would. Together we study, laugh, and pray, kill roaches, question relationships, and write pointless inside jokes on one aonther's facebook pages.

We also lead a Bible study together each week. Tonight, we had a full house, and it was awesome. I can already tell where the Lord is wanting to move in each girl's heart. It's going to be a good semester, but we can already tell that the devil is trying to worm his way in. After everyone left, we sat at the kitchen table and talked. About friends, about boys, about the Lord, and about brokenness and healing. I never thought I'd find myself drinking wine out of coffee cups and laughing about last year.

Last semester, I remember sitting alone in my parked car at night because my dorm was not a fit environment for crying my eyes out. I remember asking God when I would be happy again. I knew it was a selfish and immature question. Basically, I was asking God if He would relieve me of my circumstances. I remember pleading, I just want to feel okay again. I just want things to go back to the way they were before.

Things didn't go back to the way they were before, and they never will. That season was long gone. But thankfully, the season of crying in the parking lot is over now, too. I know that I will face heartache again. I know that this high season will end at some point, too. But I know that with each season (high or low) comes experience, wisdom, and growth. And each time, it will be worth it.

You have turned my mourning into dancing. Psalm 30:11