dependent

I hear you say,

"my love is over
it's underneath
it's inside
it's in between.
the times you doubt me
and when you can't feel
the times that you question,
'is this for real?'
the times you're broken
the times that you mend
the times you hate me
the times that you bend.
my love is over
it's underneath
it's inside
it's in between
the times you're healing and when your heart breaks
the times you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times that you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry
and are tempted to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
i'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
i'm there through the heartache
i'm there in the storm
my love i will keep you
by my power alone
i don't can't where you've fallen
or where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends,
it never ends.

-tenth avenue north, "times"

Finally

It's Finals week!!

Pros:
- Harry Potter marathons on ABC family
- Dead Day
- No class
- Christmas music
- Christmas parties
- Crazy, random, sparattic, and dangerous adventures
- Sleep deprived conversation
- Increased midnight trips to Waffle House
- $$ Book buy back $$
- Knowing that you are only days away from a month at home


Cons:
- Comprehensive tests
- Final projects
- Final papers
- Eating too many cookies at Christmas parties
- Getting $15 for a book you paid $150 for and used twice
- Sleep deprivation
- Packing
- Knowing that you are only days away from a month away from home


(Please notice that there are more Pros than Cons. Why yes, I am an optimist!)

Confessions of a hermit?

My freshman year of college, I was a Caf-er. I socilized over sketchy meals in the cafeteria every lunch and dinner. As the semesters have gone by, however, I have become a To-Go Lunch-er. While I do enjoy eating questionable food with friends, long lines and noisy crowds are no longer my thing. Almost every day, I grab my Caf-to-go lunch (a wrap, baked lays, oreos, and a baby Dasani) and head to my room in Nutt Hall, the most antisocial dorm on campus.

What do I do while eating this solitary meal?
Do I watch television? No.
Do I do homework? Sometimes.
Do I check facebook? Occasionally.
What, then, do I do?

I read "Stuff Christians Like," the blog by Jon Acuff. And I read it faithfully.

Today, in the library I ran across a Yahoo article about annoyed athiests who put up immature billboards because they are tired of CHRISTians hogging CHRISTmas (ironic?).

I thought to myself, "I wonder if Jon Acuff has blogged about this yet?"
Sure enough, there it was, mentioned in Stuff Christians Like #909: Not Saying "Happy Holidays."

Then I scrolled down and ready #907. And I blog all of this to make one point. Usually, I read this blog to laugh. Today, God used this blog to hit me in the face with exactly what I needed to hear. So, without further ado, maybe this will speak to you like it spoke to me.

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/12/the-soft-x/#more-4101

Boggled

Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I am a planner.

And anyone who knows God can tell you what God likes to do with these plans.

Now, I have never actually played a legitmate game of Boggle. In fact, the most experience I have with the game of Boggle is shared with Peggy Hill and my television set. However, it seems to be the illustration that keeps popping back into my head.

In the past month or so, I felt so set in my current season of life. It was organized. All the letters were aligned in the way that I wanted them. Things I had hoped for, prayed for, and longed for for so long were finally appearing in my life. Words were playing off of other words, making new words, scoring points. Life wasn't a breeze, but it was pretty comforting.

And now, my pretty little world has been shaken.

Everything I worked so hard to build--rattled.

All the plans I had made--interrupted.

All the familiarity--gone.

You know, maybe it was time for a good shake.

Maybe it's time to build some new words.

Maybe it's time to actually play Boggle so I can use it's concepts metaphorically.

Long Live

Long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you...

One day, we will be remembered.

Thanksgiving

Sometimes, I can't find words to describe what I need to say.
Other times, I do not know enough words to express the feelings of my heart.
Tonight, I will borrow the thoughts of another,
whose words hit very close to home,
and are much more collected than my own.

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
For the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

-Nichole Nordman, "Gratitude"

Storm Watch

I come from a weather-cautious family. When I was a kid, my grandmother would drag my sister and me into the hallway with quilts and games the second she saw "storm watch" scroll across the television screen. If the sky starts to get cloudly, my Dad unplugs the air conditioning and all the electronics. When my Mom hears about severe weather anywhere in Arkansas, she calls me to make sure I'm not on the road (ironically, I usually am). But as for me, I'm not the kind of person who takes extreme caution at the chance of storms. Once bad weather comes, I'll take cover--but until then, I continue to go about my life. The only problem with that is that sometimes storms catch me by surprise...

Sometimes, I don't see a storm coming until I'm already in it.

Yes, by storms I mean both physical and spiritual. The past week has been one of the craziest weeks in my life, and it totally caught me off gaurd. Last Sunday night, I found myself in a very scary and dangerous situation, and I had no idea what to do. With the help of the Holy Spirit, my friends, and the police, everything turned out alright. Because of the mess, it has been a long and tiring week, but along with the pain and confusion, I have felt so much love and support. Each day, so many people have called to check on me, pray for me, or simply ask how I was doing. I checked my phone on Monday night to find 5 voicemails--from my roommate, my friend, two leaders in my church, and the 14-year-old girl I mentor--all telling me that they were there if I needed anything. I didn't want to talk about the situation again, so I avoided talking to my family this week--I just couldn't handle explaining it again. I finally talked to my Mom yesterday, and this is the voicemail I got from her at 8:30 this morning: "Your over-protective mother is driving up whether you like it or not." She drove two hours just to take me out to lunch. I am so blessed.

Through this whole mess of a situation, I have learned three things:

1.) To be used by God, you've gotta get uncomfortable. I hear that in church all the time. In fact, I heard it last Sunday morning and last Sunday night. I walked out of chapel and got a phone call from a friend. And that's when it all started. Was stopping a close friend from committing suicide a fun way to start my busy week? No. Was it easy to call the police on my friend, knowing that it would put a DWI on her record? No. Was it worth it to literally save her life? Um, YEAH.

Jesus never said it would be easy. In fact, he said that following Him is going to be tough. You're going to be uncomfortable. You're going to have to deny yourself. You're going to be challenged. You're going to be in dangerous situations. You're going to have to fight against the enemy--so don't be surprised when he comes. Don't be surprised when life gets hard. Expect it to. And embrace it.

2.) God never intended for us to face life alone. Today in church, the leader of my Old Testament class noted how Ephesians 6 is often misinterpreted: in the original context, the word you is meant to be plural. It isn't telling us to put on the armor of God as individuals; it's telling up to get ready for battle as a church, as a whole, as an army.

We are not expected to fight alone. We can't. We are to be one body, to carry one another's burdens, to care for each other in love and compassion and prayer. And on top of that, WE HAVE THE HOLY SPIRIT! To try to handle a burden on your own is selfish and pointless, because alone, we are defenseless.

3.) Do not fear storms...but be ready for them when they come.